Is it okay to be angry with God? Learning to lament in the long wait
Feeling angry, confused or let down by God while trying to conceive? Lament is a biblical way to bring raw feelings to Him. Here is how to pray honestly when hope is thin.
By PreggieLover 3 min read
Some women say it quietly, as if confessing a crime: “I'm angry with God.” They have prayed, fasted, been anointed, believed, and still the months roll by. They watch others conceive without even trying. And alongside the grief comes a question they are afraid to say aloud: Why, God?
If that is where you are, please hear this first. Your anger does not shock God, and it does not disqualify you from His love. The Bible is full of people who brought exactly these feelings to Him.
The Bible's prayer language for pain
Many of the psalms are laments: prayers of complaint, sorrow and protest. Listen to this one: “How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?” (Psalm 13:1). That is not a polite prayer. It is raw, direct and honest. And it is in the Bible, which means God welcomed it.
Lament is not the opposite of faith. It is faith that is still talking to God when everything feels wrong. Turning away from God in silence is very different from turning towards Him in tears and protest.
The shape of a lament
Many biblical laments follow a pattern you can use in your own prayers:
- Address: turn towards God. “Lord…”
- Complaint: tell Him exactly what hurts. “Another month, another negative. I'm tired and I feel forgotten.”
- Request: ask Him for what you need. “Please help me. Comfort me. Show me You are near.”
- Trust: remember who He is, even if only a little. “You have been faithful before. I am still choosing You.”
Not every lament reaches the trust step quickly. Some days you will only manage the first two lines, and that is all right. Some psalms end without any resolution at all, and they are still Scripture.
Try writing your own lament
Take a notebook or the notes on your phone. Set a timer for ten minutes. Write to God using the four steps above. Do not edit or tidy it up. If you are angry, say so. If you are confused, ask. If you are jealous, admit it. When the timer ends, read it back aloud, slowly, as an offering. Many women find this brings more peace than trying to force cheerful praise.
What lament is not
- It is not cursing God or rejecting Him. It is staying in relationship while being honest.
- It is not a sign that you lack faith. Jesus Himself prayed with loud cries and tears.
- It is not a technique to get a baby. It is a way of keeping your heart alive and connected to God.
When others don't understand
Some well-meaning Christians may tell you to “stop being negative” or to “just claim it”. If that makes you feel ashamed of your honesty, remember that God gave us a whole book of honest prayers. You may need to find one or two safe friends, a wise pastor or a Christian counsellor who will let you lament without rushing you to the happy ending.
Holding on with an open hand
The prophet Habakkuk ends his book with a remarkable lament-turned-trust: even if the fig tree does not blossom and the fields yield nothing, he will still rejoice in God (see Habakkuk 3:17-18). That is not a cheerful denial of loss. It is a choice, made through tears, to hold on to God Himself, even when the harvest has not come. You may not be able to say that today. That is fine. It can be a prayer you grow into.
A word about your wellbeing
Anger and grief are normal parts of a long wait. But if your feelings have become numbness, hopelessness, or thoughts that life is not worth living, please reach out today to your doctor, a crisis line or someone you trust. You do not have to carry this alone, and getting help is not a failure of faith.
A lament to pray today
Lord, I am tired and I am hurting, and some days I am angry with You. I don't understand why this is so hard. Please don't let go of me. Show me that You are near, and help me to keep talking to You, even when all I have are tears. Amen.
Frequently asked questions
Is it a sin to be angry with God about infertility?
Many people in the Bible brought anger and complaint to God in prayer. Honest lament that stays in conversation with Him is a form of faith, not a rejection of it.
How do I write a lament prayer?
A simple pattern is: turn to God, tell Him what hurts, ask for what you need, and remember who He is, even if only a little.
This article is for general information and encouragement, not medical advice. Please talk to your doctor or midwife about your own health and your baby's.
