Daring to hope again after last month
After last month's disappointment, hoping again can feel risky. How to hold hope gently, without pressure, and live fully in the days before your fertile window.
By PreggieLover 4 min read
Hope can feel dangerous after a disappointment. You opened your heart last month, and it hurt when your period came. Now, as your energy returns and a new cycle begins, part of you wants to hope again, and part of you wants to keep the door shut so it doesn't hurt as much next time. If you feel caught between the two, you are not alone.
Why hope feels risky
Many women trying to conceive describe a cycle of emotions: hope in the first half of the month, anxiety in the wait, grief when the period arrives. Over time, some decide it is safer not to hope at all. They brace themselves for bad news every month.
Bracing yourself can feel protective, but it rarely makes the disappointment hurt less. It often just takes away the joy you could have had in between. The goal is not to stop hoping, but to learn to hope in a way that does not crush you.
Hope that rests, not hope that grips
There is a difference between gripping hope and resting hope.
- Gripping hope says: everything depends on this month. If it doesn't happen, I can't cope.
- Resting hope says: I would love for this to happen, and I will do what I can. But my life, my worth and my peace are held by God, whatever this month brings.
Resting hope does not mean you care less. It means you have somewhere solid to stand.
Living today, not next month
One of the simplest ways to ease the pressure is to focus on today. It sounds obvious, but trying to conceive can pull your mind constantly forward: when will I ovulate, when can I test, what will I do if it's negative? Jesus gave gentle advice about this:
“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” (Matthew 6:34, KJV)
Today has enough in it. You do not have to carry the whole month at once.
Practical ways to hope gently this week
- Name your hope honestly. Say it to God in plain words: “I hope this is the month.” Acknowledging it is healthier than pretending you don't care.
- Then name your anchor. Add: “And whatever happens, I am Yours and You are with me.” Write both sentences somewhere you will see them.
- Plan something lovely for the near future that doesn't depend on being pregnant: a trip, a course, a get-together. It gives your heart something to look forward to either way.
- Limit forward-planning. Avoid calculating due dates or imagining announcements this early in the cycle. If you catch yourself doing it, gently bring your thoughts back to today.
- Enjoy your energy. Many women feel brighter in this phase. Use it for something that makes you feel alive: dancing, gardening, cooking for friends, serving at church.
- Keep perspective with people. Spend time with friends who make you laugh and talk about more than babies.
When hope feels impossible
If you have been trying for a long time, or you have experienced pregnancy loss, hope may feel out of reach. That is understandable. You don't have to force it. Sometimes hope looks less like excitement and more like simply getting up and making breakfast. That counts.
If you notice that you feel low most days, have stopped enjoying things you used to love, or are struggling to function, please talk to your doctor or a counsellor. Carrying grief and anxiety month after month is heavy, and you deserve support.
Joy in this day
Hope is not only about what you are waiting for. It is also about seeing the goodness in front of you today. The psalmist declared:
“This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24, KJV)
This day, with its ordinary tasks and small joys, is a gift. You can rejoice in it while still longing for more. Both can be true at once.
A small exercise for today
Before you go to sleep tonight, think of three moments today that were good, however small: a warm drink, a kind message, a moment of laughter. Thank God for each one. Over time, this simple practice can help shift your focus from what is missing to what is present, without denying your longing.
A prayer for gentle hope
Lord, I want to hope again, but I am afraid of being hurt. Teach me to hope with an open hand, resting in You rather than gripping the outcome. Help me to enjoy today, the day You have made, and to trust You with tomorrow. Amen.
Frequently asked questions
How do I stop getting my hopes up every month?
Rather than shutting hope out, try holding it gently: name your hope honestly, anchor yourself in God's care whatever happens, and focus on living well today.
Is it normal to feel anxious at the start of a new cycle?
Yes. Many women feel a mix of hope and fear as a new cycle begins. If anxiety or low mood lasts most days, talk to your doctor or a counsellor.
This article is for general information and encouragement, not medical advice. Please talk to your doctor or midwife about your own health and your baby's.
