Your first six weeks after birth, week by week

Nobody hands you a timetable when you leave the labour ward or the birth centre. You are given a baby, a bag of pads and perhaps a leaflet, and then the days begin to blur. It can help to know roughly what the first six weeks usually look like, so that you can tell the difference between ordinary healing and something that needs a call to your midwife or doctor. Every body and every birth is different, so treat this as a gentle map rather than a test you have to pass.

Days one to three: the body catches its breath

Straight after birth your womb begins to shrink back down, and you may feel cramps, often stronger while you feed. Bleeding, called lochia, is usually heaviest now and bright red. You may feel shaky, sore, thirsty and strangely wide awake. If you had stitches or a caesarean, moving will feel slow and careful, and that is right.

• Drink a glass of water every time you feed the baby.
• Pass urine often, even if it stings; pouring warm water over the area while you go can help.
• Ask for help getting in and out of bed, especially after a caesarean.
• Accept the pain relief your care team offers and ask what is safe for you while feeding.

Days four to ten: milk, tears and visitors

Around the third to fifth day many mums feel their breasts become full and heavy as milk comes in, and many also feel weepy for no clear reason. These baby blues are common and usually pass within about two weeks. Bleeding typically becomes lighter and darker, more pink or brown. This is also when visitors arrive in waves. You are allowed to keep visits short, to stay in your dressing gown and to hand the baby to someone while you shower.

If you have had stitches, they may feel tight or itchy as they heal. Keep the area clean and dry, change your pad often and wash your hands before and after.

Weeks two to three: the adrenaline wears off

Many mums say this is when tiredness truly lands. The excitement fades, a husband or partner may go back to work, and the nights feel long. Bleeding is usually lighter now, though it can increase briefly if you do too much; take that as a sign to sit down. Gentle walks around the house or to the end of the road are usually fine, but heavy lifting, vacuuming and long outings can wait.

This is a good time to notice your mood honestly. If the low, tearful or anxious feelings have not lifted after two weeks, tell your midwife, health visitor or doctor. That is not failure. It is wisdom.

Weeks four to six: slowly finding your feet

By now many mums notice more energy on some days and none on others. Bleeding often settles to a yellowish or white discharge and stops altogether for many women by around six weeks, although it varies. A caesarean scar is usually healing well on the outside, but the deeper layers take longer, so keep listening to your body before returning to exercise or driving. Check with your doctor, and with your car insurer, about when it is safe to drive.

Your postnatal check usually happens around six to eight weeks. Start a note on your phone now with questions as they come up, so you don't forget them in the moment.

At any time: call your midwife or doctor urgently if

• you soak through a pad in an hour or less, or pass large clots
• you have a fever, shivers, or feel very unwell
• your bleeding or discharge smells unpleasant
• you have severe tummy pain, or a wound that is red, hot, swollen or oozing
• you have a bad headache, changes in your vision, or sudden swelling of your face and hands
• you have chest pain, difficulty breathing, or a painful, swollen calf
• you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

If any of these are severe or sudden, go to your nearest emergency department or call emergency services. Asking is never a nuisance.

Being carried while you carry

There is a tender picture in Isaiah of the Lord as a shepherd who knows exactly how to treat mothers:

He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young. (Isaiah 40:11, KJV)

Notice the pace. He does not drive mothers; he leads them gently. Psalm 103:14 adds that he remembers how we are made. He is not surprised that your body needs six weeks, or longer, to recover. You do not need to bounce back. You need to be carried for a while, and you are.

A prayer for these first weeks

Lord, you see every stitch, every ache and every long night. Lead me gently, as you promised, and give me the humility to rest and to ask for help. Heal my body in your time, and guard my heart while it heals. Amen.