A letter for the day your period came

Dear one,

You saw the blood this morning, or maybe you felt that familiar ache and knew before you even checked. Perhaps you had let yourself count the days. Perhaps you had quietly picked a name, or worked out roughly when a baby would arrive, or held your breath every time you went to the toilet this week. And now it is here, and the hope you carried so carefully feels as though it has slipped through your fingers.

I want you to hear this before anything else: you are allowed to be sad. You do not have to be brave today. You do not have to put on a cheerful face for anyone, and you do not have to explain to yourself why this hurts so much when it is “only” another month. It is not only another month. It is a real hope, and a real loss of that hope, and grief is the right response to that.

What today does not mean

Your period arriving does not mean you did something wrong. It does not mean you ate the wrong thing, worried too much, prayed too little or missed some secret trick. Even for healthy couples with no fertility problems, conception usually takes a number of cycles. A period is not a verdict on your body, your faith or your future. It is simply the start of a new cycle.

It also does not mean God has turned away from you. Scripture never asks you to pretend you are fine. It tells you where God stands when you are not:

“The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” (Psalm 34:18, KJV)

Nigh means near. Close enough to touch. Not waiting at a distance for you to pull yourself together, but here, in the bathroom, on the edge of the bed, in the car park where you sat for a few extra minutes before going into work.

Small kindnesses for today

You do not need a plan for the whole month. You only need to get through today gently. Here are a few things that may help:

• Let yourself cry if the tears come. Holding them in often makes the day heavier, not lighter.
• Warmth for the cramps. A hot water bottle on your tummy or lower back, a warm bath, or a cup of something hot can ease the ache.
• Eat something nourishing. Even if your appetite is low, a bowl of soup, pepper soup, porridge or toast with eggs will help your body more than skipping meals.
• Say no to one thing. If there is a gathering, a baby shower or a long phone call you are dreading, you can rearrange it. Protecting your heart is not selfish.
• Write it down. Note the date in your tracker. It is useful information for you and your clinic, and it gives the day a place to go.
• Tell someone safe. Your husband or partner, a sister, a close friend. You do not have to carry it alone.

If you have walked a longer road

Some of you reading this have had many of these mornings. Some of you have had a positive test before that ended in loss, and every period stirs that grief again. If that is you, please know your sorrow is not an overreaction. You are carrying more than one month today, and that deserves tenderness.

If you have been trying for twelve months (or six months if you are 35 or over), or if you have very painful, very heavy or very irregular periods, it is a good idea to book an appointment with your doctor or clinic. Asking for help is wise, not faithless.

And if the sadness starts to feel like more than sadness, if you find you cannot sleep, eat or get out of bed for days, or you have thoughts of harming yourself, please speak to your doctor or someone you trust straight away. You deserve care for your mind as well as your body.

God keeps count of your tears

There is a verse I love for days like this:

“Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?” (Psalm 56:8, KJV)

Not one of your tears this morning was wasted or unseen. God has noticed each one. He knows how long you have waited, what you have hoped for, and what it cost you to hope again this month. You are not invisible to Him, and you are not forgotten.

Tomorrow you may feel a little lighter, or you may not. Either is all right. For today, rest where you can, be kind to yourself, and let Him hold what you cannot.

With love, and with you in this,

Someone who understands

A prayer for day one

Lord, it hurts today, and I will not pretend it does not. Thank You that You are near to my broken heart and that You keep every tear I cry. Hold me gently through this day, give my body rest, and let me feel Your presence in the quiet. Amen.