A permission slip for the mum who keeps missing church

Sunday morning, 9.15. The baby has just done an enormous nappy straight through a clean outfit, you have been up since four, and the service starts at ten. You look at the car keys, then at the sofa, and you sit down and cry. Again. It has been five weeks. You wonder what people at church think. You wonder what God thinks.

Consider this your permission slip.

You have permission to be in a different season

Life with a new baby is a season, not a verdict on your faith. Babies feed on their own timetable, nap at inconvenient hours and get unsettled in noisy places. Your body may still be healing. Getting out of the house on time is genuinely hard. Missing services during these months does not mean you are drifting from God or letting your church down.

You have permission to go late, leave early or sit at the back

If you do make it, there are no medals for arriving on time. Slip in during the worship, sit near the door, feed your baby where you are comfortable, walk the corridor when they fuss. Many churches have a parents' room or a crèche for a reason. Use them without apology.

You have permission to worship from home

Many churches stream their services or share recordings. Watching on your phone during a feed is not second-class church. Neither is praying with a friend over a cup of tea, or listening to a sermon on the pram walk.

Jesus said: "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:20). He is present when believers gather, whether that is a congregation of hundreds or two mums in a living room with babies on their laps.

You have permission to ask for help

Your church family would probably love to support you, but they may not know how. You might:

• Ask a friend to save you a seat near the door or the parents' room.
• Ask if someone could give you a lift, or carry the car seat in.
• Let your pastor or a church leader know you are struggling to get there and would welcome a visit.
• Join a midweek mums' group, small group or prayer group that meets at a more baby-friendly time.

You have permission to feel complicated about it

Some mums miss church terribly. Others feel anxious in crowds since the birth, or overwhelmed by noise and questions. Some find it painful to be around people after a difficult birth or a previous loss. All of these feelings are allowed. If anxiety is stopping you from going places, or you feel low most days, please mention it to your health visitor, midwife or doctor. It is common after having a baby, and help is available.

A nest near the altar

There is a beautiful picture in Psalm 84. The writer longs to be in God's house, and then notices the birds: "Yea, the sparrow hath found an house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, even thine altars, O LORD of hosts, my King, and my God." (Psalm 84:3).

A mother bird, with her little ones, finds a place near God. The psalm does not tell her she must leave her nest to come to Him. Her nest is already near the altar. Wherever you are with your baby this Sunday, on the sofa, in the parents' room, pacing the corridor, you are near Him too.

Small steps back

When you feel ready, take one small step. Perhaps one service a month. Perhaps the evening service if mornings are chaos. Perhaps just coffee after the service. There is no timetable you must keep. Your church will still be there, and so will God.

A prayer for Sunday mornings

Father, You know how much I miss being with Your people, and how hard it is to get there right now. Take away the guilt I carry. Thank You for meeting me at home, in the car, in the parents' room and in my heart. Lead me back to Your house in Your perfect timing. Amen.