Myths and truths about your period when you are trying for a baby

When a period arrives after weeks of hoping, the mind often goes looking for a reason. Was it the coffee? The late nights? The argument? Not lying still long enough? Many of the stories we tell ourselves are simply not true, and they add guilt to grief. Here are some common myths, and the gentler truth behind each one.

Myth: “If my period came, I must have done something wrong.”

Truth: Most of the time, a period simply means that this cycle did not result in a pregnancy, and nothing more. Even for healthy couples timing everything well, it is normal for conception to take a number of months. An egg may not have been fertilised, or a fertilised egg may not have implanted, for reasons nobody could have controlled. It is not a punishment and not a failure.

Myth: “Stress made my period come.”

Truth: Stress is unpleasant and worth caring for, but a single stressful week does not cause a period to start or a pregnancy to fail. Very severe or prolonged stress can sometimes delay ovulation, which may make a cycle longer, but that is different from being blamed for this month's result. Please do not add “I worried too much” to your list of burdens.

Myth: “I didn't have enough faith.”

Truth: Faith is not a currency you spend to purchase a baby. Women of deep faith throughout Scripture and throughout history have waited, wept and wondered. Your period is not a measure of your spiritual life. God's love for you this morning is exactly what it was last week.

“It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23, KJV)

His compassion did not run out when your period came. It is new this morning, too.

Myth: “Light bleeding always means my period, not pregnancy.”

Truth: Sometimes light spotting happens around the time a period is due, and occasionally it can happen in early pregnancy. If your bleeding is much lighter or shorter than your usual period, or you are unsure, it is reasonable to take a pregnancy test. If you have had a positive test and then begin bleeding, or you have strong one-sided pain, shoulder-tip pain or feel faint, contact your doctor or go to urgent care promptly.

Myth: “Period pain means something is wrong with my fertility.”

Truth: Mild to moderate cramping is very common and usually normal. However, pain that stops you from working or sleeping, pain during sex, very heavy bleeding or pain that has been getting worse over time can sometimes be linked with conditions such as endometriosis or fibroids. These are worth talking about with your doctor. Many women are told to “just put up with it” for years. You are allowed to ask for help.

Myth: “Every cycle should be exactly 28 days.”

Truth: Cycle lengths vary from woman to woman, and a little variation from month to month is normal. Many cycles fall roughly between 21 and 35 days. If yours are often much shorter or longer than this, very unpredictable, or your periods stop, mention it to your doctor or clinic.

Myth: “I should just get on with things and not be sad.”

Truth: Grief over a hoped-for pregnancy is real. Brushing it aside does not make it go away. Allowing yourself a day or two of sadness, rest and comfort is healthy. You can be grateful for your life and still grieve this month.

Myth: “There's nothing useful to do on day one.”

Truth: Day one is actually an important marker. Write down the date. Over a few months, this simple record helps you understand your cycle length and roughly when you ovulate. It also gives your doctor helpful information if you need to see them.

A few gentle things to do instead of blaming yourself

• Log today as day one of your new cycle.
• Rest, keep warm and drink plenty of water.
• Eat iron-rich foods, especially if your periods are heavy.
• Talk honestly with God and one trusted person.
• Note any symptoms that worry you, so you can mention them to your doctor.

You did not cause this. You are not being punished. You are a woman who hoped, and hope is a brave and beautiful thing.

A prayer to let go of guilt

Lord, I lay down every accusing thought that says this was my fault. Thank You that Your mercies are new this morning and that Your love for me has not changed. Help me to rest in Your compassion and to treat myself as kindly as You treat me. Amen.