The witching hour: surviving your newborn's evening crying

Every evening around six, the house changes. The baby who dozed peacefully through the afternoon starts to fuss, then to cry, then to cry in a way that seems to have no bottom to it. You feed, you change, you walk, you sway, and still the crying goes on. If this is your evening right now, here is the first thing to hear: you are not doing it wrong.

Why evenings are often hardest

Many babies cry more in the late afternoon and evening during the first months. Crying often builds from around two weeks, tends to be at its peak around six to eight weeks, and then gradually eases, usually by around three to four months. Doctors do not fully understand why. A young baby's nervous system is still maturing, the day's sights and sounds can build up, and many babies cluster feed in the evening too.

Some babies cry for long stretches and are hard to soothe even though they are healthy and well cared for. This is sometimes called colic. It is exhausting, but it is not a sign that you are failing your baby.

A soothing menu to try

No single trick works for every baby, or even for the same baby every night. Try one thing at a time and give it a few minutes before moving on:

• Check the basics: hungry, wet nappy, too hot or cold, needing to burp, a hair or a label rubbing somewhere.
• Get close: skin-to-skin contact, holding your baby upright against your chest, or a well-fitted sling where you can always see your baby's face and their chin is off their chest.
• Add rhythm: slow rocking, swaying, walking, or a gentle pat on the back.
• Add sound: humming, a low "shhh", soft music or steady background noise.
• Lower the lights: a dim, quiet room can help an overstimulated baby wind down.
• Change the scene: a walk outside in the pram or a warm, safe bath can sometimes reset a hard evening.

When you reach the end of yourself

There may be a moment when the crying feels unbearable. That feeling is common among loving parents, and there is a safe plan for it:

1. Put your baby down on their back in their cot or Moses basket.
2. Walk to another room and close the door. Breathe slowly. Drink some water. Call or message someone.
3. Go back in after a few minutes, when you feel calmer.

A baby crying safely in their cot for a few minutes will come to no harm. Never shake a baby. Shaking can cause serious brain injury. If you ever feel close to losing control, put your baby down and walk away, then call for help.

If you feel low, hopeless or anxious most days, not just in the evenings, tell your midwife, health visitor or doctor. Postnatal depression and anxiety are common and treatable, and crying babies can make them harder to carry alone.

Crying that needs medical help

Trust your instincts. Seek urgent medical help if your baby's crying is accompanied by any of these:

• A temperature of 38°C or higher in a baby under three months
• A cry that sounds very different: high-pitched, weak, moaning or continuous
• Not feeding, repeated vomiting, or green vomit
• Breathing that is fast, noisy or a struggle, or skin that looks blue, grey or very pale
• Floppiness, unusual sleepiness, or being hard to wake
• Blood in the nappy, or a rash that does not fade under a pressed glass

If the crying is simply long and you are worried, it is fine to ask your health visitor or doctor to check your baby. You are not wasting anyone's time.

Comfort for the comforter

Share the evenings where you can. If you have a husband or partner, take it in shifts so that one of you rests properly. If you are on your own, ask a trusted friend, mother or neighbour to hold the baby for an hour while you shower or sleep.

The prophet describes God's tenderness in the language you are living every evening:

"As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem." (Isaiah 66:13, KJV)

You know now what it is to hold a crying child close and keep holding. That is how God holds you in this season. And when the evening stretches into the night, Psalm 63:6 reminds us that the night watches can also be a place to remember Him, even in a whisper while you sway.

A prayer for the long evening

Lord, my baby is crying and I cannot always fix it. Comfort my little one, and comfort me. Give me patience when I am tired and wisdom to know when to ask for help. Hold us both the way a mother holds her child. Amen.