A letter to the mum who feels silly talking to her baby

Dear mum,

If you have ever felt silly chatting away to someone who answers only with a gurgle, this letter is for you. Maybe you are naturally quiet. Maybe you grew up in a home where adults did not really talk to babies. Maybe you are just tired, and talking feels like one more thing. I want you to know that your voice is one of the most powerful gifts you can give your baby this year, and you do not need to be clever or chatty to give it.

Your baby is listening

From birth, babies are tuned to the human voice, especially yours. Long before they say a word, they are soaking up the rhythm, sounds and patterns of language. What helps most is not flashcards or special programmes, but ordinary back-and-forth: you speak, they respond with a look or a coo, you respond again. Some call it "serve and return", like a gentle game of catch.

How to talk when you do not know what to say

• Narrate your day. "Now we're changing your nappy. Here's a clean one. Cold wipe, sorry!" It feels odd at first, but it soon becomes natural.
• Use the sing-song voice. That higher, slower, musical way of speaking most of us use with babies helps them pick out words.
• Pause and wait. Leave gaps for your baby to "answer" with a coo, a smile or a kick.
• Copy their sounds. If they say "ba", say "ba" back. You are teaching them that conversation takes turns.
• Name what they look at. "That's the fan. It goes round and round."
• Get face to face. Babies learn by watching your mouth and expression.

Speak your heart language

If your family speaks Yoruba, Igbo, Hausa, Pidgin, Welsh, Polish or any other language at home, please use it with your baby. Talk in the language you feel warmest and most natural in. Children can learn more than one language from the start, and growing up bilingual does not confuse them. They may mix words for a while, which is normal. Your songs, proverbs and pet names carry your family's story.

Books from the very beginning

You can share books with a newborn. You are not trying to teach them to read; you are sharing closeness, pictures and the sound of your voice.

• 0 to 3 months: books with faces and bold, high-contrast pictures. Hold them where your baby can see.
• 3 to 6 months: soft cloth and crinkly books they can grab and, yes, chew.
• 6 to 12 months: sturdy board books, touch-and-feel books, flaps to lift, simple rhymes, and a children's picture Bible with short stories.

You do not need to read every word or finish the book. Point at pictures, make the animal noises, and follow your baby's interest. Ten minutes a day, or two minutes ten times, is wonderful. Libraries are a free treasure, and in the UK the Bookstart scheme gives free book packs to babies.

Make room for talk

A television or radio left on in the background can quietly crowd out conversation, even when nobody is watching. Try having some quiet stretches each day where the only soundtrack is your voice, your baby's babble and the sounds of home.

When to ask about hearing or speech

Most babies have a hearing check soon after birth. Talk to your health visitor or doctor if your baby does not startle at loud noises, does not seem to turn towards voices by around six months, stops babbling, or is not responding to their name or simple words by around their first birthday. Early checks are simple and reassuring.

Words around the house

Long ago, parents were told to talk about God's words with their children "when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up" (Deuteronomy 6:7). Notice where faith was passed on: in ordinary moments, at home, on walks, at bedtime and on waking. The words you speak during nappy changes and bath time are building a home where your child hears love first, and in time will hear about the God who loves them most.

With love, from one mum to another.

A prayer for my words

Lord, thank you for my voice, even when it feels small or tired. Help me to fill our home with warm words, songs and stories. Let my baby hear love in every language I speak, and let my words point them, one day, to you. Amen.