Baby blues or something more? A side-by-side guide
How to tell the baby blues from postnatal depression or anxiety, what helps each, and the signs that mean you should speak to someone today.
By PreggieLover 4 min read
Crying because the toast went cold. Crying because an advert came on. Crying, then laughing, then crying again because you are so happy and so tired and you cannot explain it. If this sounds like your first week after birth, you are in very good company. Mood changes after having a baby are extremely common, and most are short-lived. Some, though, are a sign that you need more support. Knowing the difference is not about labelling yourself. It is about getting the right care at the right time.
The baby blues
The baby blues are a brief spell of tearfulness and emotional ups and downs that many new mums experience. They typically:
- start within the first few days after birth, often around day three to five
- bring tearfulness, irritability, worry and feeling overwhelmed, mixed with moments of joy
- come and go during the day
- pass on their own within about two weeks
What helps: rest, food, a good cry, someone to listen without trying to fix it, and practical help so you can sleep. The baby blues are not a sign of weakness, ingratitude or lack of faith. They are your body and mind adjusting to an enormous change.
Postnatal depression
Postnatal depression is a common, treatable illness that can begin at any time in the first year after birth, sometimes weeks or months later. It is not your fault and it does not mean you are a bad mother. Signs can include:
- low mood, sadness or emptiness most of the day, for more than two weeks
- losing interest in things you used to enjoy
- feeling numb, disconnected or unable to bond with your baby
- feeling hopeless, worthless or guilty much of the time
- trouble sleeping even when your baby sleeps, or wanting to sleep all the time
- changes in appetite
- withdrawing from people
Postnatal anxiety
Some mums feel less sad and more on edge. Postnatal anxiety can show up as constant worry, racing thoughts, a feeling that something bad is about to happen, checking on the baby again and again, a tight chest, or being unable to relax even when everything is fine. Some mums have unwanted, frightening thoughts or images about harm coming to their baby. These intrusive thoughts are more common than you might think, and having them does not mean you want them or will act on them. Telling a doctor about them is safe, and it helps.
Side by side
- Timing: the baby blues start in the first days and fade within about two weeks; depression or anxiety lasts longer, or starts later.
- Intensity: the blues come and go; depression and anxiety feel heavy most of the time.
- Daily life: with the blues you can usually still manage with help; with depression or anxiety, everyday tasks can start to feel impossible.
If you are not sure which you are experiencing, that is reason enough to talk to someone. You don't need to be certain before asking.
What to do next
- Tell your midwife, health visitor or doctor how you are really feeling. You might say: I don't feel like myself and it has been more than two weeks.
- Tell one trusted person at home, so you are not carrying it alone.
- Accept practical help with sleep, meals and the baby.
- Ask about talking therapies, support groups and other treatments. Your doctor can explain options that are suitable for you, including while feeding.
When it's urgent
Get help the same day, from your doctor, an emergency department or emergency services, if you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, feel that your family would be better off without you, or notice sudden changes such as feeling confused, very high or restless, not sleeping at all, or seeing or hearing things others don't. A rare but serious illness called postpartum psychosis can come on quickly in the early weeks, and it needs urgent care. It is treatable, and mums do recover.
Near to the brokenhearted
The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. (Psalm 34:18, KJV)
God does not keep his distance from sad mothers. He draws near. Seeking help from a doctor is not a sign that your faith has failed; it is one of the ways God's nearness can become practical. Prayer and treatment are not rivals. You can have both.
A prayer for a heavy heart
Lord, I don't feel the way I thought I would. Come close to me in this. Give me courage to tell someone the truth, and send people who will help me carry it. Heal my mind and my heart in your way and your time. Amen.
Frequently asked questions
How long do the baby blues last?
The baby blues usually start in the first few days after birth and pass on their own within about two weeks. If low mood lasts longer or gets worse, talk to your midwife, health visitor or doctor.
Can postnatal depression start months after birth?
Yes. Postnatal depression can begin at any time in the first year after birth. It is common and treatable, so speak to your doctor or health visitor whenever you notice it.
Are scary thoughts about my baby normal?
Unwanted, frightening thoughts about harm coming to your baby are a common part of postnatal anxiety and do not mean you will act on them. Telling your doctor about them is safe and helps.
This article is for general information and encouragement, not medical advice. Please talk to your doctor or midwife about your own health and your baby's.
