When your mind won't switch off: postnatal anxiety and what helps

You check that the baby is breathing. Then you check again. You lie awake listening, even though she is sound asleep. You've read every article about every rare illness, and your mind plays out worst-case scenarios on repeat: what if I drop her, what if I miss something, what if something happens to me. Everyone says you're doing brilliantly, but inside you feel like you're running on alarm bells. Some worry is part of loving a new baby. When the worry takes over, it may be postnatal anxiety, which is common and very treatable.

What postnatal anxiety can feel like

• constant or racing worry that is hard to control
• a sense of dread, or that something bad is about to happen
• being unable to rest or sleep even when your baby sleeps
• physical symptoms such as a pounding heart, tight chest, shaking, nausea or dizziness
• panic attacks
• checking things over and over, or avoiding things you fear, such as bathing the baby or going out
• irritability and feeling on edge
• unwanted, upsetting thoughts or images about harm coming to your baby

Those last thoughts can be terrifying, and many mums keep them secret out of shame. They are a known, common feature of anxiety after birth, and they are distressing precisely because they go against everything you want. Telling your doctor or health visitor about them is safe, and it is the first step to loosening their grip.

Myth and fact

• Myth: If I were a better Christian, I wouldn't feel anxious. Fact: Anxiety is not a measure of your faith. Faithful people throughout Scripture felt fear and distress. Anxiety after birth is influenced by hormones, sleep loss, past experiences and the huge responsibility of a newborn.
• Myth: It will pass by itself if I ignore it. Fact: Sometimes anxiety eases with time and support, but often it needs treatment, and getting help early usually makes recovery easier.
• Myth: If I tell anyone, they'll think I'm a danger to my baby. Fact: Health professionals understand anxiety and intrusive thoughts well. Their aim is to support you and your family.

Things that can help today

• Slow your breathing. Breathe in gently for a count of four and out for a count of six. Longer out-breaths can calm your body.
• Ground yourself. Name five things you can see, four you can touch and three you can hear.
• Limit night-time searching. Write the worry on a notepad and ask your health visitor in the morning, instead of searching online at 3am.
• Share the checking. If you have a husband, partner or another adult at home, let them take a turn so you can sleep. Follow safe sleep advice: baby on her back, in a clear cot or Moses basket with no pillows or bumpers, in your room. Then let that be enough.
• Move a little. A walk outside, even for ten minutes, can take the edge off.
• Notice caffeine. If coffee or energy drinks make your heart race, cutting down may help.

Getting proper help

Talk to your doctor, midwife or health visitor if anxiety is affecting your sleep, your enjoyment of your baby or your daily life, or if it has lasted more than two weeks. Talking therapies are often very effective, and your doctor can discuss other treatments that are suitable for you. If you ever feel unable to keep yourself or your baby safe, or have thoughts of ending your life, seek help immediately from emergency services or an emergency department.

Casting, not carrying

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. (1 Peter 5:7, KJV)

This verse is not a rebuke for anxious people. It is an invitation from a God who cares. Casting your cares on him can look like prayer, and it can also look like booking that appointment, telling someone the truth, or letting a friend hold the baby while you sleep. In John 14:27, Jesus offers a peace that is different from the world's, a peace that can sit with you even in the middle of a racing mind.

A prayer for an anxious mind

Jesus, my mind won't be still. I give you the what-ifs and the fears I'm afraid to say out loud. Thank you that you care for me and for my baby. Lead me to the help I need, and let your peace guard my heart tonight. Amen.