Results day: how to hear hard fertility news and decide what comes next

Dear friend, if you are reading this the night before your results appointment, I want you to know something first. Whatever is said tomorrow, it will not change who you are to God. You will walk in as His beloved daughter, and you will walk out as His beloved daughter. The rest is information. Hard, perhaps, but information.

Now, some practical help.

Before you go

• Ask for a face-to-face or video appointment if you can, rather than results by text or letter, especially if you are anxious.
• Bring someone. Your husband, partner, mum, sister or a close friend. One person listens; the other writes.
• Prepare three questions now, while you are calm: What does this mean? What are our options? What happens next?
• Plan the rest of the day lightly. Do not schedule a big meeting or a family party for the afternoon.

In the room

When news is difficult, our minds often stop absorbing words after the first sentence. That is normal. Here are some phrases you can use:

• “Can you say that again more slowly?”
• “What does this mean for our chances, in plain words?”
• “Is this something that can change or be treated?”
• “What would you recommend, and what are the alternatives?”
• “Can you write that down for us?”
• “We need time to think. When do you need a decision?”

You do not have to decide anything on the spot. Almost no fertility decision needs to be made in the same appointment as the diagnosis.

Words you might hear

You might hear a diagnosis, such as blocked tubes, endometriosis, low ovarian reserve, ovulation problems or a male factor. Or you might hear that everything looks normal: unexplained infertility. That can feel strangely worse, because there is nothing to fix. Remember that “unexplained” means current tests have not found a cause, not that there is no hope or no next step.

Afterwards: the first 48 hours

1. Feel what you feel. Shock, grief, anger, relief, numbness. All of it is allowed. Jesus Himself wept at a graveside, knowing what He was about to do.
2. Limit research. One trusted source, your clinic's information, is enough for now. Late-night searching rarely brings peace.
3. Choose who to tell. You do not owe anyone an update. Tell those who will listen without fixing.
4. Eat, sleep, walk. Grief lives in the body too. Look after it gently.

Making decisions together

When you are ready, sit down with your partner (or a trusted friend, if you are walking this alone) and talk through:

• What options did the doctor describe?
• What does each involve in time, money, body and emotions?
• What feels right in our consciences before God?
• What do we need to ask before deciding?
• What is our limit for now, and when will we review it?

Pray separately, then together. Give each other permission to feel differently at first. Unity often comes slowly.

If the news is better than you feared

Sometimes results day brings relief: a treatable cause, normal tests, a clear plan. Even then, you may feel oddly flat or tearful. Months of bracing yourself do not disappear in an instant. Let yourself rest. Celebrate small mercies, thank God for them, and remember that good news on paper still means more waiting. It is fine to hold gratitude and weariness at the same time. Write down what you are thankful for today, so you can return to it on harder days.

When to ask for more support

If, after a couple of weeks, you are struggling to sleep, eat, work or find any hope, or if you have any thoughts of harming yourself, please speak to your doctor straight away or contact a crisis line in your country. Many fertility clinics also offer counselling. Asking for that help is wise and brave.

The psalmist wrote, “My times are in thy hand” (Psalm 31:15). Your timeline, your test results, your next appointment and your future are all held there. Not in the folder on the doctor's desk.

A prayer for results day

Father, I am afraid of what I might hear. Hold me before, during and after. Help me to listen well and to decide slowly, and remind me that whatever the results say, I am still Yours and You are still good. Amen.