Twenty questions to ask your fertility doctor (save this before you go)

It happens to the most organised women. You have been waiting weeks for this appointment, the doctor smiles and asks, “Any questions?”, and your mind goes completely white. Then, halfway home, you remember everything. This list is designed to be saved on your phone or printed and folded into your bag. You will not need all twenty. Circle the five that matter most to you.

Understanding where you are

• Based on what you know so far, what do you think might be making it harder for us to conceive?
• Which tests do you recommend first, and why?
• Do any tests need to be done on a particular day of my cycle?
• Is there anything about my cycle, weight, thyroid or other health that we should look at before anything else?
• Should my husband or partner have a semen analysis now, and how do we book it?

Making sense of results

• What does this result mean for us in practical terms?
• Is this result likely to change, or is it fairly stable?
• Do we need to repeat any tests?
• Could you write down the key numbers or findings for me?
• Who should I contact if I have questions after today?

Talking about treatment

• What are our options, from the simplest to the most involved?
• What would you suggest if we were your own family?
• What are the risks and side effects of each option?
• How many cycles of this treatment would you usually try before reviewing the plan?
• What is the full cost, including scans, medicines and any procedures that are not in the basic price?
• Are there waiting lists or eligibility rules, for example for NHS-funded treatment or a particular clinic?

Caring for the whole you

• Is there anything I should start, stop or change in my everyday habits right now?
• Are any of my current medicines or supplements a concern while we try? (Ask before changing anything yourself.)
• Does the clinic offer counselling or emotional support?
• When should I call you urgently, rather than waiting for my next appointment?

Questions he might want to ask

If your husband or partner comes with you, encourage him to bring his own questions. What does my semen analysis show? Is there anything in my health, work or habits we should look at? Should I see my own GP about anything? Men are often left at the edge of these conversations, sitting quietly in the corner chair. Including him from the start helps you both feel like a team, and it means two people understand the plan instead of one.

How to actually use this list

• Prioritise. Put your top three at the top of the page. Ask those first, even before the doctor finishes the introduction if needed.
• Bring a second pair of ears. Your husband, partner, sister or a trusted friend can take notes while you listen.
• It is fine to say, “Can you explain that differently?” Good doctors expect it. Medical language is a second language for most of us.
• Ask for things in writing. A short summary, a printed plan or a follow-up letter helps you remember accurately.
• Leave with one next step. Even if the bigger picture is unclear, know exactly what happens next and when.

When you feel dismissed

Some women leave appointments feeling rushed or brushed aside, perhaps told to “just relax” or “keep trying”. If that happens, you are allowed to ask, kindly and clearly, “What would need to happen for us to move to the next step?” You are also allowed to ask for a second opinion. Advocating for yourself is not rudeness. It is part of caring for the life you long to welcome.

God does not grow tired of our questions. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” (James 1:5). Ask Him for wisdom before you go, and ask your doctor for clarity while you are there. Both are good.

A prayer before the consultation

Lord, give me a clear voice and a calm heart. Help me to remember what I need to ask and to understand what I am told. Guide the doctor's thinking and our decisions, and let me walk out of that room knowing I am still held by You. Amen.