A letter to the mum-to-be I used to be

Dear you,

I can picture you now, holding that test up to the bathroom light, reading the instructions three times. I know your mind is running in every direction at once. Pull up a chair. Here is what I wish someone had told me at the start.

Tell your midwife or clinic early

I waited weeks because I thought there was nothing to do until I felt properly pregnant. There is. Register with your midwife, GP or antenatal clinic as soon as you know. Your booking appointment is ideally before about ten weeks, and there are screening choices and scans that are offered at particular times. Getting in early means you do not miss them.

Ask about supplements

Folic acid matters most in the very early weeks, while your baby's brain and spine are forming, and vitamin D is commonly advised too. Ask your midwife, doctor or pharmacist which supplements are right for you. If you had not started before you found out, start once you know and try not to worry. You are doing your best with what you know now.

Your notes are your passport

Whether your notes are a folder, a booklet or an app, carry them everywhere. If you ever need care away from home, they tell the story for you. Save the maternity unit's phone number in your phone today. I hope you never need it in a hurry, but you will sleep better knowing it is there.

No question is silly

I once spent a whole appointment nodding while not understanding a word, then went home and searched the internet until midnight. Please do not do that. Write your questions down in the week. Ask your midwife to explain things again. Ask what a test is for and what happens next. You are a partner in your care, not a passenger.

You will feel things nobody warned you about

Bone-deep tiredness. Sore breasts. Crying at an advert. A strange metallic taste. Going off your favourite food overnight. Most of this is normal. But some things are not, and you must call your midwife or maternity unit straight away if you have bleeding, severe tummy pain, a severe headache with blurred vision, fluid leaking, a high temperature, or, later on, your baby moving less than usual. Trust your instincts. You know your body.

Know your rights at work

If you work, find out what your employer offers. In the UK, pregnant employees are entitled to reasonable paid time off for antenatal appointments, and your employer should check that your work is safe for you. Wherever you live, ask your manager or HR what protections exist. You may need to tell them earlier than you planned so they can keep you safe.

Comparison will try to steal your joy

Someone at church will be glowing while you are green. A friend's bump will look neat while yours seems to arrive overnight. Every pregnancy is different, even for the same woman. Your journey is not a test you are failing.

Your feelings may be mixed, and that is all right

Joy and fear can share a single heart. If you have lost a baby before, this pregnancy may feel fragile and you may hold back from celebrating. That is understandable, and it is not a lack of faith. Tell your midwife about previous losses; many clinics offer extra reassurance. If worry or low mood start to take over your days, please tell your midwife or doctor. Help is available, and asking for it is brave.

Let people help

Accept the soup. Let your husband, partner, mum, sister or friend carry the shopping. Say yes to the lift to your appointment. You do not earn rest by running yourself into the ground.

Ask for wisdom, generously given

There will be decisions you feel unready for. I held on to the promise in James 1:5: if any of us lack wisdom, we can ask God, who gives freely and does not scold us for asking. I asked often. He was patient every time.

A small list to start with

• Book your first appointment.
• Ask about supplements.
• Save the maternity unit number.
• Start a running list of questions.
• Drink water, rest when you can, and eat what you can manage.
• Tell one trusted person how you are really feeling.

You are going to learn as you go, and that is exactly how it is meant to be. Nobody starts out knowing everything.

With love, from someone who once stood exactly where you are standing.

A prayer for the beginning

Lord, I am at the very start of something I do not fully understand. Thank You for this little life. Give me wisdom for each choice, peace for each worry and people around me who will help. Walk with me one day at a time. Amen.