Eating for two and other pregnancy myths, gently untangled

Within a week of sharing your news, someone will probably tell you not to raise your arms above your head, another will guess the baby's sex from the shape of your bump, and a third will urge you to eat a second plate of jollof because you are 'eating for two'. Advice given in love is still advice worth checking. Here are some common myths, set beside what is actually known.

Myth: you need to eat for two

Fact: Your baby needs good nourishment, not double portions. In the early months most women need no extra food at all, and later in pregnancy only a modest amount more, roughly a healthy snack's worth. What matters most is the quality of what you eat: vegetables, fruit, whole grains, beans, eggs, fish and lean meat. Eat to your hunger, and do not feel guilty for needing a little more.

Myth: raising your arms will tangle the cord

Fact: Reaching up to hang washing or stretch does not affect the umbilical cord. Do take care with balance, especially on stools or ladders, as your centre of gravity shifts as your bump grows.

Myth: the shape of your bump tells you if it is a boy or a girl

Fact: Bump shape depends on your muscles, your height, your baby's position and whether you have been pregnant before. Neither bump shape, cravings nor the ring-on-a-string trick can predict the sex. Only certain scans or tests can, and some families choose to wait.

Myth: exercise is dangerous in pregnancy

Fact: For most healthy pregnancies, regular gentle movement such as walking, swimming and pregnancy yoga is good for you and your baby. It can help with energy, sleep, mood and back pain. Avoid contact sports and activities with a high risk of falling, and check with your midwife or doctor if you have a medical condition or have been told to rest.

Myth: you must give up fish completely

Fact: Fish is a valuable food in pregnancy. The usual advice is to avoid shark, swordfish and marlin, and to limit oily fish such as mackerel and sardines to a couple of portions a week. Cook fish thoroughly unless it has been specially prepared to be safe.

Myth: one cup of coffee will harm your baby

Fact: You do not have to give up caffeine entirely, but it is wise to keep it low. In the UK, the advice is to stay under 200mg a day, which is roughly two mugs of instant coffee. Remember tea, cola, energy drinks and chocolate contain caffeine too. Energy drinks are best avoided.

Myth: heartburn means a hairy baby

Fact: This one is harmless fun, but heartburn is mainly caused by pregnancy hormones relaxing the valve at the top of your stomach and your growing womb pressing upwards. Small meals and staying upright after eating help.

Myth: a little alcohol is fine

Fact: No amount of alcohol is known to be safe in pregnancy, so the safest choice is none at all. If you drank before you knew you were pregnant, try not to panic; mention it to your midwife, who can talk it through with you.

Myth: it does not matter which way you sleep

Fact: In early pregnancy, sleep however is comfortable. From around 28 weeks, the advice is to go to sleep on your side, as this is linked to a lower risk of stillbirth. If you wake on your back, simply roll over. A pillow behind your back may help.

Myth: if you feel well, you can skip appointments

Fact: Some serious conditions, such as high blood pressure, have no symptoms at first. Routine checks catch what you cannot feel. Keep your appointments even when all is well.

How to handle unwanted advice with grace

• Smile and say, 'Thank you, I'll ask my midwife about that.'
• Keep a list of questions that come from conversations and take it to your next appointment.
• Remember that most advice comes from love, even when it is out of date.
• Be kind to yourself if you followed a myth before you knew better. Pregnancy is a season of learning.

Thinking on what is true

Paul encourages us to dwell on “whatsoever things are true” (Philippians 4:8). In a season full of loud opinions, that is a freeing invitation. You can listen kindly, check carefully and let fear go. Choose what is true, lovely and of good report, and leave the rest.

If anything you have heard has left you worried, call your midwife or doctor. They have heard every question before.

A prayer for a clear mind

Lord, there are so many voices telling me what to do. Help me to listen with kindness and choose with wisdom. Quiet every fear that is not from You, and fill my mind with what is true. Amen.