A pocket plan for pregnancy anxiety

The scan is booked for Thursday, and it is only Monday. By lunchtime you have checked your underwear four times, read three forums and replayed every twinge since breakfast. If that sounds familiar, you are not weak and you are not failing at faith. Anxiety in pregnancy is common, and it makes sense: you love someone you cannot yet see, and so much feels out of your hands.

This is a pocket plan: short enough to remember on a hard day, practical enough to use straight away.

First, know what anxiety can look like

Pregnancy anxiety is not always dramatic. It can look like:

• A mind that will not switch off, especially at night.
• Checking and re-checking: symptoms, movements, the internet, the app.
• Avoiding things, such as not booking appointments, or not telling anyone about the pregnancy in case something goes wrong.
• Physical signs: a tight chest, a churning stomach, a racing heart, tense shoulders.
• Irritability, snapping at people you love, then feeling guilty.

Some worry is part of caring. It becomes something to talk about when it is taking up most of your day, stopping you sleeping or eating, or making it hard to enjoy anything at all.

The pocket plan

1. Breathe out longer than you breathe in

Breathe in gently through your nose for a count of four, then out through your mouth for a count of six. Do this five or six times. A longer out-breath tells your body it is safe to slow down. You can do it on the bus, in the waiting room or lying in bed, and nobody needs to know.

2. Name it, then place it

Say to yourself, plainly: This is anxiety. It feels urgent, but feelings are not facts. Then ask one question: Is there something I need to do right now? If yes (for example, you have bleeding or pain), do it: call your midwife or maternity unit. If no, write the worry down to bring to your next appointment and let the paper hold it for you.

3. Set a time for checking

Constant searching feeds anxiety more than it calms it. Choose one short window a day, perhaps ten minutes after dinner, to read about pregnancy from a trusted source. Outside that window, if a question comes, add it to your list. Many mums find their worry quietens once it knows it will be heard later.

4. Move and nourish your body

A short walk, a stretch, a glass of water and a proper snack will not fix everything, but low blood sugar, dehydration and stiffness all make anxious feelings louder. Small care for your body is part of caring for your mind.

5. Tell one person the truth

Anxiety grows in secret. Choose one safe person, your husband or partner, a sister, a friend from church, and tell them honestly: I am more worried than I am letting on. You do not need them to fix it. You need not to carry it alone.

Bringing it to your midwife or doctor

Your mental health is part of your antenatal care, not a side issue. You can say at any appointment, I have been feeling very anxious and I would like some support. Your midwife or doctor can talk through options, which may include talking therapies, support groups or a referral to a specialist perinatal team where available. If you already take medication for your mental health, do not stop or change it on your own; talk it through with your doctor first.

Please get help the same day if:

• You are having panic attacks that frighten you or will not settle.
• You cannot eat or sleep for days.
• You have thoughts of harming yourself, or feel that others would be better off without you. Call your doctor, your maternity unit or your local emergency number straight away.

Where faith fits

Prayer is not a test you are failing because you still feel anxious. It is a place to bring the anxiety, again and again. Paul writes to people who knew real fear and real hardship:

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

Notice the word keep. The peace of God is pictured like a guard standing watch over your heart. You do not have to manufacture it; you are invited to receive it. Some days that will feel close. Other days you will pray, breathe, call the midwife and still feel shaky. Both are allowed. God is with you in the waiting room and in the worry.

Try this simple pattern when anxiety rises: tell God the worry, name one thing you are thankful for, ask for one specific help. For example: Lord, I am scared about Thursday. Thank you for this morning's tea. Please help me sleep tonight.

A prayer for an anxious day

Lord, my thoughts are running ahead of me and my heart feels tight. I give you this baby, this body and this day. Guard my heart and mind with your peace, and give me courage to ask for help when I need it. Amen.