What I wish I had known about the feelings of pregnancy
Crying at adverts, snapping at loved ones, scary passing thoughts, fear of birth: the emotional side of pregnancy nobody mentions, and what actually helps.
By PreggieLover 4 min read
I had read about heartburn and swollen ankles. I knew the size of my baby each week, from a poppy seed to a melon. What nobody really told me about was the feelings. So here, from one mum to another, are the things I wish someone had sat me down and said.
1. You might cry at absolutely everything
A nappy advert. A kind text. Running out of bread. Pregnancy hormones, tiredness and the sheer size of what is happening can bring tears close to the surface. Usually this comes and goes and is nothing to worry about. Let yourself cry, have a glass of water, and do not judge yourself for it.
What is worth mentioning to your midwife or doctor is low mood that does not lift for more than two weeks, losing interest in everything, or feeling hopeless. That can be antenatal depression, which is common and treatable.
2. You might feel nothing much at all, at first
Some mums feel an instant rush of love. Many do not, especially early on, when the baby feels like an idea and a lot of nausea. Bonding often grows slowly, with the first scan, the first kick, or not until after birth. A slow start is not a sign that something is wrong with you or that you will not love your baby. Talking or singing to your bump, and noticing movements later on, can help that connection grow.
3. You might be short-tempered with the people you love most
Irritability is very common. Your body is working hard, your sleep is broken and your mind is busy. You may find yourself snapping at your partner, your mum or your children, then feeling awful. Try naming it out loud: I am really tired and I am snappy. It is not about you. A short apology and a nap repair more than you might think.
4. Frightening thoughts can pop into your head
This one surprised me most. Sudden, unwanted thoughts, such as picturing something bad happening to the baby, can appear out of nowhere. Many mums have them, and they are often a sign of how much you care rather than what you want. If these thoughts are frequent, distressing or making you avoid things, tell your midwife or doctor. They will not be shocked. Help is available.
If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby that feel like something you might act on, call your doctor, maternity unit or local emergency number straight away.
5. Fear of birth is common, and you can talk about it
Some fear about labour is very normal. For some mums, especially after a difficult past birth or trauma, the fear is overwhelming. You can ask your midwife for extra time to talk it through, ask about antenatal classes, and ask what your options are. Knowledge often shrinks fear to a size you can carry.
6. Old feelings may come back
Becoming a mother can stir up your own childhood: your relationship with your mother, past losses, past hurts. You might find yourself thinking about people and events you have not thought about in years. This is a normal part of becoming a parent. Talking to a trusted friend, pastor or counsellor can help you untangle it.
7. Your relationship might wobble a little
Even strong marriages and partnerships can feel the strain of tiredness, money worries and different hopes for the future. Keep talking. Plan small times together that are not about the baby. If you are doing this on your own, lean on the people around you; you were never meant to do this alone.
8. Faith can feel close one day and far away the next
Some days I prayed with real peace. Other days I could hardly string a sentence together. I wish I had known that God's presence does not depend on how I feel. Isaiah wrote these words to people who were afraid and weary:
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. (Isaiah 41:10)
Count the promises in that one verse: with thee, strengthen, help, uphold. None of them depend on you feeling strong first.
What actually helped me
- Saying the feeling out loud to one safe person.
- Writing three lines in a journal before bed.
- Being honest at appointments when asked how I was.
- Eating regularly, getting outside and resting without guilt.
- Short, honest prayers instead of long, polished ones.
A prayer for a mixed-up heart
Lord, my feelings are all over the place today. Thank you that you are steady when I am not. Help me to be gentle with myself, honest with others and quick to ask for help. Uphold me and my baby. Amen.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to cry a lot during pregnancy?
Yes, tearfulness that comes and goes is common in pregnancy. If low mood lasts more than two weeks or you lose interest in things, speak to your midwife or doctor.
Is it normal not to feel bonded to my baby while pregnant?
Yes. Bonding often grows gradually, sometimes not until after birth. Talking to your bump and noticing movements can help, and you can mention any worries to your midwife.
I have scary thoughts about my baby getting hurt. What should I do?
Unwanted frightening thoughts are common in pregnancy and often reflect how much you care. If they are frequent or distressing, tell your midwife or doctor; if you feel you might act on them, seek help straight away.
This article is for general information and encouragement, not medical advice. Please talk to your doctor or midwife about your own health and your baby's.
