Preparing your heart for birth, not just your bag

You have read the leaflets, packed the bag and fitted the car seat. Yet on quiet evenings your mind keeps wandering to the day itself. Will I cope? What if something goes wrong? What if I panic? Preparing your body and home for birth is important. Preparing your heart matters just as much.

Name what you are afraid of

Fears that stay vague tend to grow. Take a piece of paper and write down every worry about birth you can think of, big and small. Fear of pain. Fear of tearing. Fear of a caesarean. Fear of being out of control. Fear for your baby. Fear of being embarrassed. Fear because of what happened last time.

Then look at your list and ask: which of these could I find out more about? Which could I talk through with my midwife? Which do I simply need to give to God?

Take your fears to your midwife or doctor

Many fears ease with good information. Your midwife can explain what really happens, what your choices are and how you will be supported. If you have had a difficult or traumatic birth before, ask whether there is a service to talk it through. Some hospitals offer specialist support for women with a strong fear of birth. You will not know until you ask, and asking is brave.

Prepare your support

• Choose your birth companion carefully. It might be your husband, your partner, your mum, a sister or a close friend. Choose someone who calms you.
• Tell them what helps you. Do you want words of encouragement or quiet? Touch or space? A prayer whispered in your ear?
• Ask a few people to pray for you on the day, and decide who will receive the news first.

Practise calm now

• Breathing: each day, practise slow breaths, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, making the out-breath longer.
• Breath prayers: pair a short phrase with your breathing. Breathing in: You are with me. Breathing out: I will not fear.
• Scripture cards: write a few verses on cards to take with you in labour.
• A playlist: choose songs that steady you, whether worship songs, hymns or gentle music.
• Positive birth stories: seek out encouraging stories from friends, and step away from frightening ones.

Make peace with not knowing

Nobody knows exactly how their birth will go. That is hard to accept. It can help to decide now that whatever happens, you will not judge yourself afterwards. A birth that needs help, an unplanned caesarean or a change of plan is not a failure. A healthy mother and baby, cared for with kindness, is a good birth.

When fear becomes too much

If anxiety is stopping you from sleeping or eating, if you are having panic attacks, if you feel low most days, or if you have any thoughts of harming yourself, please tell your midwife or doctor as soon as possible. Feeling this way is not a spiritual failure, and help is available. Your mental health is part of your antenatal care.

And keep watching your body too. Call your maternity unit straight away if your baby moves less, if you have bleeding, your waters break, or you have a severe headache or vision changes.

Perfect peace

Isaiah gives us a promise that many women have carried into the labour room:

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” (Isaiah 26:3)

A stayed mind is one that leans on something solid. You will not be able to control every part of birth, but you can keep turning your mind back to God, again and again, contraction by contraction. In 1 Peter 5:7 we are invited to cast all our cares on Him because He cares for us. That includes every item on your list of fears.

A prayer to prepare my heart

Lord, You know every fear I carry about this birth. I give them to You one by one. Keep my mind stayed on You, fill me with Your peace and surround me with kind, skilled people. Whatever the day brings, hold me and my baby close. Amen.