Five tricky toddler nights, and what to try

Your toddler used to go down easily. Now bedtime is a two-hour negotiation involving three more stories, a sudden need for water, and a small figure appearing at the door again and again. Toddler sleep can change just when you thought it was settled. Most toddlers between one and two need around 11 to 14 hours of sleep across 24 hours, including naps, though every child is a little different. Here are five common tricky nights, and gentle steps to try.

Night one: the bedtime battle

What it looks like: crying, running away, requests for "one more", and a toddler who seems wide awake at bedtime.

What to try:

• Keep a predictable routine of about 30 minutes: bath or wash, pyjamas, teeth, a story, a short prayer, then lights out. The same order every night.
• Switch off screens at least an hour before bed.
• Offer small choices within the routine: "This book or that one?"
• Check the timing. A toddler who naps late or long may simply not be tired yet; one who is overtired may fight sleep harder.
• Be calm, kind and boring when they come out. Return them to bed with few words.

Night two: waking in the night

What it looks like: crying out at 2am, wanting you, a feed or a cuddle, sometimes several times a night.

What to try:

• Check for discomfort: teething, illness, a wet nappy, being too hot or cold.
• Keep night visits quiet and dim, with reassurance but not play.
• If your toddler relies on you to fall asleep, you might gradually help them learn to settle with less help, for example by sitting by the cot and moving a little further away over several nights.
• Choose an approach that fits your child and your family, and stick with it consistently for a week or two before judging it.

Night three: the very early riser

What it looks like: wide awake and ready for the day at 5am.

What to try:

• Use blackout curtains or blinds, as early light can wake toddlers.
• Keep early wakings dark and quiet. Treat anything before your chosen wake time as still night-time.
• Avoid making bedtime much later. Overtired toddlers often wake earlier, not later.
• Look at the day: is the first nap very early, perhaps soon after waking? Gradually pushing it later can help.

Night four: moving from two naps to one

What it looks like: your toddler fights one of their two naps, or naps well but then will not sleep at bedtime.

Many toddlers drop from two naps to one somewhere between about twelve and eighteen months. During the change, you might alternate one-nap and two-nap days, bring lunch and the nap a little earlier, and allow an earlier bedtime for a while. Expect some tired, grumpy days while their body adjusts.

Night five: the cot climber

What it looks like: a leg hooked over the cot rail, or a toddler suddenly appearing in the hallway.

Climbing out of a cot can lead to falls. Make sure the mattress is at its lowest setting and that nothing in the cot can be used as a step. If your toddler keeps climbing out, it may be time for a bed, with a low rail or the mattress on the floor. Make the room safe: anchor furniture, secure windows, cover sockets, tie up blind cords and fit a gate at the bedroom door or the top of the stairs.

When to talk to a doctor

Ask your health visitor or doctor if your toddler snores loudly most nights, has pauses in breathing or gasps during sleep, seems very sleepy during the day, or if sleep problems are affecting your family's wellbeing. Your own sleep matters too. If exhaustion is making you feel low, anxious or unable to cope, please tell someone.

Rest for the weary

Parents of toddlers carry a particular kind of tiredness. Jesus speaks directly to it:

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28, KJV)

In Psalm 131:2, David pictures his soul as calm and quiet, like a weaned child resting with its mother. That is a picture worth carrying to the end of a long bedtime: a little one who has finally stopped fighting sleep and is simply at rest. May you find that rest too, in God's arms.

A prayer for bedtime

Jesus, I come to You tired tonight. Help my child settle into peaceful sleep, and help me stay calm when bedtime is long. Give our family the rest we need, in body and soul. Quiet my heart like a child at rest with its mother. Amen.