The two-column page: gratitude that leaves room for the hard things

Take a blank page and draw a line down the middle. At the top of the left column write What is hard. At the top of the right column write Where I see good. That is the whole practice. It sounds almost too simple, but many women find it changes the way they pray.

Why two columns?

Christian women are often encouraged to be grateful. That is a good thing. But gratitude can turn sour when it becomes a way of silencing pain. Just be thankful can feel cruel when you are on your fourth negative test, when your body aches from labour, or when you have spent the night pacing with a baby who will not settle.

The Bible holds both. The Psalms are full of complaint and praise, sometimes in the same breath. Lament is not the opposite of faith; it is faith talking honestly to God. Gratitude is not denial; it is noticing good that is really there.

Paul writes:

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Look carefully at the wording: in every thing, not for every thing. You are not asked to thank God for a loss, for illness or for suffering. You are invited to look for thanks within every situation, even a painful one. The two-column page makes room for exactly that.

How to do it

1. Set aside five minutes. Morning, evening or during a feed. Any time works.
2. Fill the left column first. Write what is hard, honestly. No editing, no spiritual polish. I am scared about my results. I snapped at my husband. My back hurts. I miss my mum.
3. Then fill the right column. Write what is good, however small. The nurse was kind. My sister called. Sunlight on the floor. Five hours of sleep.
4. Read both columns as a prayer. Speak the left column to God as lament and the right column as thanks.
5. End with one line. Lord, you are with me in all of this.

What it might look like in your season

Trying to conceive

Hard: Another period. A baby announcement on my feed.

Good: A gentle evening with my husband. A friend who remembered.

Pregnant

Hard: Sick all morning. Worried about the scan.

Good: I kept lunch down. I felt a flutter.

New mum

Hard: Feeding is painful. I cried at 3am.

Good: The health visitor listened. The baby's tiny hand on mine.

Some days the left column will be long and the right column will have just one line. That is honest, and that is enough.

What the practice can do

• It lets you be truthful. You no longer have to choose between honesty and faith.
• It trains your eyes. Over time, many women find they start noticing small good things during the day, ready to write them down.
• It creates a record. Months later you can read back and see how you were carried through days that felt impossible.
• It can show you when you need help. If the left column is heavy for weeks, and the right column stays empty, that is important information.

When the right column stays empty

If you consistently cannot find anything good, or you feel hopeless, numb or very low most days for two weeks or more, please tell your doctor, midwife or health visitor. Depression and anxiety are common in every season of trying to conceive, pregnancy and early motherhood, and they are treatable. It is not a failure of gratitude or faith.

If you have thoughts of harming yourself, contact your doctor or local emergency number straight away, or ask someone you trust to help you get support today.

Sharing the practice

Couples sometimes do the two columns together at the end of the day: one hard thing and one good thing each, then a short prayer. Friends can share theirs in a weekly message. It is a simple way of carrying one another's burdens and joys.

A prayer for both columns

Lord, here is what is hard today, and here is where I have seen your goodness. Thank you that I can bring you both. Hold me in the pain, open my eyes to your gifts, and help me give thanks in every thing. Amen.