Where to turn when you're not okay: a map of support for new mums

Asking for help is hard enough without having to work out who to ask. When you are tired and low, even finding a phone number can feel like climbing a hill. So here is a simple map. Services differ between countries, regions and clinics, so the names may change where you live, but the types of help are similar almost everywhere.

If you are in danger right now

If you have thoughts of ending your life or of harming yourself or your baby, or you feel you cannot keep yourself or your baby safe, call emergency services or go to the nearest emergency department now. If you can, ask someone to stay with you. You are not wasting anyone's time. This is exactly what emergency care is for.

First steps for ongoing struggles

• Your midwife. In the early weeks she is often the easiest person to tell. She can listen, check on you and refer you on.
• Your health visitor or clinic nurse. They see many mums with low mood and anxiety and can visit, listen and help you access support.
• Your doctor or GP. They can assess how you are doing, discuss treatment options including talking therapies, and refer you to specialist services if needed.
• Specialist perinatal mental health teams. In some areas there are teams who specialise in mental health during pregnancy and the first year after birth. Your doctor or midwife can refer you.

How to start the conversation

You don't need perfect words. You can say any of these:

• I'm not feeling like myself since the baby came.
• I'm struggling and I'm scared to say it.
• I'm having thoughts that frighten me.
• I've felt low or anxious for more than two weeks.

If it is easier, write it on your phone and show them. Bring someone with you if that helps. If you feel dismissed, it is reasonable to ask for another appointment or to see a different professional.

Support beyond the clinic

• A trusted person at home. Your husband or partner, mother, sister or a close friend. Tell them what you're feeling and what would help.
• Mum and baby groups. Many are run by clinics, community centres and churches, and some focus specifically on wellbeing.
• Peer support and charities. In many countries there are charities and helplines for parents' mental health, some run by mums who have recovered themselves. Your health visitor or clinic may know which are available where you live.
• Your church family. A pastor, a women's leader or a small group can pray with you and offer practical help, alongside the medical care you need, not instead of it.

Make the first step easier

Before an appointment, jot down how long you have felt this way, how you are sleeping and eating, and anything that frightens you. Ask a trusted person to look after the baby during the appointment, or to come with you. Afterwards, plan something gentle: a warm drink, a nap, a short walk. Taking the first step is tiring, and you deserve kindness after it.

What recovery can look like

Many mums with postnatal depression or anxiety recover fully with the right support. Recovery is rarely a straight line; there may be good days and setbacks. Treatment might involve talking therapy, practical support, time and, for some, medication your doctor discusses with you. Whatever your path, getting help is a sign of strength and of love for your baby.

Pouring out your heart

Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah. (Psalm 62:8, KJV)

God invites you to pour out everything, not to tidy it up first. And 2 Corinthians 1:4 describes how God comforts us in our troubles so that one day we can comfort others with that same comfort. The mum who is struggling today may be the one who sits beside another struggling mum next year and says, I've been there. You are not just surviving; you are being carried through something God can use.

A prayer for asking

Lord, I'm tired of pretending I'm okay. Give me courage to make the call, to say the words, and to receive help. Comfort me in this, and one day let me pass that comfort on. Amen.