Fear and faith can sit in the same chair

Picture a woman sitting in a hospital waiting room. Her hands are folded in her lap and she is praying quietly. She is also terrified. Her knee is bouncing, her mouth is dry and she has read the same poster four times. Is she a woman of faith or a woman of fear?

She is both. And so, perhaps, are you.

The pressure to feel fearless

Many Christian women carry an unspoken belief that if their faith were stronger, they would not feel afraid. So on top of the fear itself, they feel guilt for feeling it. Someone at church says, Do not worry, just trust God, and it lands like a judgement rather than a comfort.

Fear in pregnancy is not a sin. It is a normal human response to love and uncertainty. You care deeply about a life you cannot fully protect. Of course you feel afraid sometimes.

Look at how David put it:

What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. (Psalm 56:3)

Notice what he does not say. He does not say I will never be afraid. He says what time, whenever, I am afraid. He expects fear to come. Trust is what he does with it.

What fear says, and what faith can answer

Fear often speaks in a very convincing voice. Here are some of the things it whispers in pregnancy, alongside a gentle reply that faith can offer.

Fear says: Something is going to go wrong.

Faith answers: I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I know I will not face it alone.

Fear says: You have to stay on guard every minute, or you are not a good mother.

Faith answers: I can take sensible care and still rest. God is watching when I sleep.

Fear says: If you feel scared, your faith is not real.

Faith answers: Trust is not the absence of fear. It is turning towards God while afraid.

Fear says: Do not tell anyone; they will think you cannot cope.

Faith answers: I was made for community. Sharing the load is wise, not weak.

Fear says: You will not be able to handle labour, or a baby, or any of it.

Faith answers: I do not need tomorrow's strength today. I will receive grace for each day as it comes.

Faith often looks practical

Trusting God does not mean ignoring your body or your feelings. Very often, faith looks like ordinary, sensible action:

• Calling your midwife or maternity unit when something worries you, such as bleeding, strong pain, fluid leaking, a severe headache or a change in your baby's movements. That is not doubting God; it is using the help he has provided.
• Going to your appointments and asking every question on your list.
• Telling a trusted person how scared you really are.
• Getting support for anxiety. If fear is taking over your days or nights, tell your midwife or doctor. Talking therapies and other support are available, and receiving them is an act of faith, not a lack of it.

A simple practice for fearful moments

When fear rises, try these three steps. They take less than a minute.

1. Name it. Lord, I am afraid about... and finish the sentence honestly.
2. Breathe. Three slow breaths, longer on the way out.
3. Choose one trust-step. It might be a whispered I trust you with this, a phone call, or simply making a cup of tea and sitting down.

You may need to do this ten times in a day. That is all right. Every time you turn towards God, you are practising trust, even if the feeling of fear has not gone yet.

Back to the waiting room

The woman in the waiting room hears her name called. She stands up, still shaking a little, and walks through the door. That is what courage often looks like: not the absence of fear, but taking the next step with God beside you.

Whatever you are waiting for this week, a scan, a result, the first kick or the first contraction, you are allowed to be afraid. And you are invited to trust.

A prayer for when I am afraid

Lord, I am scared, and I am bringing that to you rather than hiding it. When fear comes, help me turn to you. Give me courage for the next step, wisdom to ask for help, and peace that holds even when I tremble. Amen.