Twelve simple ways to help your partner bond with the bump
Your body feels every change, but your partner only sees the bump. Twelve practical ideas to help a husband or partner feel close to your baby before birth.
By PreggieLover 4 min read
You feel every flutter, every hiccup and every elbow in the ribs. Your partner, meanwhile, sees a growing bump, hears about the nausea and tries to help, but may feel slightly on the outside of something huge. Many dads and partners say the pregnancy only felt real when they held the baby. It does not have to be that way.
Here are twelve simple ideas to help your husband or partner connect with your baby before birth. Pick two or three that suit you both; there is no checklist to complete.
In the early weeks
- 1. Share the news of each week together. Read out what is developing this week: a beating heart, tiny fingers, eyelids. A weekly update over dinner turns an invisible process into something you are both following.
- 2. Invite them to appointments. If work allows, ask them to come to your booking appointment or scans. Hearing the heartbeat or seeing the screen can be a turning point. If they cannot come, record a voice note straight afterwards telling them everything.
- 3. Let them help with the hard bits. Fetching crackers, running a bath, taking on the cooking smells you cannot face. Caring for you is caring for the baby, and many partners find that practical help makes them feel involved.
When the bump grows
- 4. Talk and sing to the bump. From around the middle of pregnancy, babies begin to hear sounds from outside. A partner's voice, deeper and often a little muffled, can become familiar. A nightly goodnight, little one is enough.
- 5. Read a story out loud. Choose one short children's book and read it to the bump regularly. Some parents read the same book after birth and feel a lovely sense of continuity.
- 6. Feel for movements together. When your baby is active, often after you eat or when you lie down in the evening, call your partner over and place their hand where the kicks are. It may take a few tries before they feel anything, so be patient.
- 7. Take bump photos together. A monthly photo, with your partner in some of them, gives you both a record to look back on.
- 8. Write a letter to the baby. Ask your partner to write a short letter about their hopes, their own childhood or what they are looking forward to. Keep it somewhere safe.
As birth gets closer
- 9. Go to antenatal classes together. Many partners feel more confident once they understand what labour involves and what their role can be.
- 10. Build or prepare something. Assembling the cot, fitting the car seat or setting up the changing area can be a meaningful act of preparation. Make sure the cot is clear, with a firm, flat mattress and no pillows or bumpers, ready for a baby who sleeps on their back.
- 11. Learn the warning signs together. Make sure your partner knows when to call the maternity unit: bleeding, waters breaking, severe pain, a bad headache with vision changes, or the baby moving less than usual. Knowing what to do helps partners feel useful rather than helpless.
- 12. Pray over the bump together. Even if praying aloud feels awkward at first, a short prayer with a hand on the bump can become one of the most tender parts of your day.
If your partner feels distant
Some partners feel anxious, overwhelmed or even a little left out during pregnancy. They may be worrying about money, about birth or about whether they will be a good parent. Others simply connect more once the baby is in their arms, and that is all right too.
Try asking gently, How are you feeling about the baby? and really listening. Partners can experience low mood and anxiety around a new baby as well, so if your partner seems persistently low, encourage them to talk to their doctor.
If you are doing this without a partner
Many of these ideas work just as well with a grandparent-to-be, a sister, a close friend or an older child. Your baby will be surrounded by voices that love them, whatever shape your family takes.
Seeing your baby as a gift
Bonding is not a test either of you passes or fails. It grows over time, sometimes slowly. Underneath it all is a simple truth that can steady you both:
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. (Psalm 127:3)
A heritage is something precious that is handed to you to care for. You are receiving this gift together, and learning to love it together.
A prayer for us as parents-to-be
Lord, thank you for this baby you have entrusted to us. Draw us close to our child and to each other in these months. Help us to listen, to share the load and to grow in love together. Amen.
Frequently asked questions
When can my partner feel the baby kick?
Partners usually feel movements from the outside a little later than you feel them inside, often some weeks after you first notice them. Try when your baby is active, such as in the evening, and be patient.
Can my baby hear my partner's voice in the womb?
Babies begin to hear sounds from outside around the middle of pregnancy. Talking, reading or singing to the bump regularly helps your baby grow familiar with your partner's voice.
This article is for general information and encouragement, not medical advice. Please talk to your doctor or midwife about your own health and your baby's.
