Sleep when the baby sleeps? A realistic look at daytime naps

Sleep when the baby sleeps. You have probably heard it a dozen times, often from someone who then asks when they can come over. It is good advice in theory, but in real life the baby falls asleep just as you put the kettle on, or the moment you lie down your mind starts racing, or there are older children who definitely do not nap. Here is a more realistic look at daytime rest for new mums.

Myth: If you can't sleep, there's no point lying down

Fact: Rest is still rest. Lying in a darkened room with your eyes closed, even if you don't fall asleep, gives your body a break. Many mums find that once they stop trying so hard to sleep, they drift off.

Myth: Naps need to be long to count

Fact: A short nap of around twenty minutes can refresh many people without leaving them groggy. A longer nap can help pay back a big sleep debt. Both are worth taking. Don't wait for the perfect two-hour slot that may never come.

Myth: Napping is lazy when there's so much to do

Fact: Napping is maintenance. A rested mum is more patient, more alert and better able to notice how her baby is doing. The laundry will still be there. Your energy is the resource everything else depends on.

Myth: You'll never nap with older children around

Fact: It is harder, but not always impossible. Some families use quiet time, when older children have books, an audiobook or a film on their bed, while mum rests nearby. Others ask a grandparent, neighbour or friend to take older children out for an hour.

How to make a nap more likely

• Decide in advance. Choose one daily nap time, perhaps after the late-morning feed, and protect it.
• Make the room dark and cool. Close the curtains, and use an eye mask if you like.
• Put your phone face down or in another room, with an alarm set if you need one.
• Use a wind-down cue. The same short prayer, song or breathing pattern each time tells your brain it is allowed to rest.
• Let someone else hold the baby. If a relative or friend visits, ask them to take the baby for a walk while you sleep.
• Empty your head first. If your mind is buzzing with tasks, write them down so you can let them go.

Where your baby naps matters too

Whenever your baby sleeps, day or night, the safe sleep basics apply: on her back, in her own clear cot or Moses basket, without pillows, bumpers or loose bedding. If you might fall asleep yourself, don't nap with your baby on a sofa or armchair; put her down in her cot first.

When naps aren't enough

If you are napping and still exhausted, or you can't sleep at all even when you have the chance, talk to your health visitor or doctor. Ongoing exhaustion can sometimes point to anaemia, a thyroid problem, or postnatal depression or anxiety, all of which can be treated.

Come apart and rest a while

And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat. (Mark 6:31, KJV)

Jesus noticed when his friends were so busy that they couldn't even eat, and he invited them to rest. That sounds a lot like new motherhood: many coming and going, no time even for lunch. The same Jesus invites you to step away and rest a while. A nap can be an act of trust that the world will keep turning while you close your eyes.

A prayer before a nap

Jesus, you invite me to rest a while. Quiet my racing mind and help me let go of the list. Watch over my baby and my home while I sleep, and refresh me for the hours ahead. Amen.