Eight things I wish I'd known about sleep in my baby's first year

If I could sit beside the version of me who paced the landing at 2am with a crying newborn, I wouldn't hand her a sleep schedule. I would make her a cup of tea and tell her a few things. These are the lessons many mums say they wish they had known about sleep in that first year, gathered here in one place for you.

1. Newborn sleep is meant to be broken

Young babies have small tummies and need to feed often, day and night. Waking is normal and protective. It isn't a sign that you are doing something wrong or that your baby has picked up bad habits. Over the months many babies gradually sleep for longer stretches, but every baby is different and progress is rarely a straight line.

2. Comparison steals your peace

Someone in your antenatal group will have a baby who sleeps through at eight weeks. That tells you about their baby, not about your parenting. Try not to ask other mums how their baby sleeps unless you're ready for the answer, and remember that people tend to share the good nights, not the bad ones.

3. My sleep matters too

We talk constantly about how babies sleep and barely ask how mums sleep. Your rest is not a luxury. It affects your mood, your patience, your healing and your safety. Planning for your own sleep, as well as the baby's, is wise.

4. Bedtime is not just for babies

The evening can feel like the only time that is yours, so it's tempting to stay up late. But going to bed soon after your baby, at least a few nights a week, often gives you the longest stretch of sleep you'll get.

5. Sleep regressions pass

Many babies go through phases of waking more often, around developmental leaps, illness, teething or changes in routine. These phases can feel like the end of the world, but they are usually temporary. Hold your routine loosely, ride it out, and ask for extra help for a week or two.

6. Safe sleep matters every single time

Even when you are desperate, the basics matter: baby on her back for every sleep, in her own clear, flat cot or Moses basket, in the same room as you for the first six months, with no pillows, bumpers, soft toys or loose bedding. Never sleep with your baby on a sofa or armchair. If you are thinking about sharing a bed, talk to your health visitor about how to make it as safe as possible and when it is not advised.

7. Asking for help is not cheating

Whether it is your husband or partner taking a feed, a grandmother staying for a weekend, or a friend walking the baby so you can nap, help with sleep is not a sign that you can't cope. It is how families have always raised babies.

8. Some tiredness needs a doctor

If you can't sleep even when the baby sleeps, if tiredness doesn't lift after rest, or if exhaustion comes with low mood, anxiety, breathlessness or dizziness, tell your doctor or health visitor. Sometimes there is a treatable reason behind it, and you deserve to find out.

Lying down in peace

I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:8, KJV)

Lying down in peace might seem impossible with one ear always listening for the baby. But this verse reminds us where safety ultimately comes from. You can do your part, following safe sleep advice and keeping your baby close, and then let God carry what you can't. In Exodus 33:14, God promised that his presence would go with his people and give them rest. That promise travels with you down the landing at 2am too.

A prayer for a peaceful night

Lord, I lay down my worries, my lists and my what-ifs. Keep my baby safe, and help me rest in your care. Whether I sleep for one hour or six, let me wake knowing you have been with me all night. Amen.