Speaking kindly to the body you live in

Why won't you just work? She said it to her reflection, quietly, after another month of waiting. A friend said something similar months later, looking at her postpartum stomach. Another said it in the middle of pregnancy, exhausted and breathless on the stairs. Many of us speak to our bodies in a way we would never speak to someone we love.

This article is an invitation to try something different: to treat your body as a gift you are caring for, not an enemy you are fighting.

Your body in every season

Whatever season you are in, your body is doing something remarkable:

• If you are trying to conceive, your body is cycling through a complex rhythm every month, even when the result is not what you hoped.
• If you are pregnant, your body is building a whole new person, along with a placenta, extra blood and a new centre of gravity.
• If you have recently given birth, your body is healing from one of the biggest physical events of a lifetime, and perhaps feeding a baby too.
• If you have experienced loss, your body may be carrying grief in ways you can feel physically. That deserves extra gentleness.

Swapping harsh thoughts for kind ones

Thoughts are not easy to change overnight, but noticing them is a start. Try catching a harsh thought and offering a kinder, truthful alternative.

Instead of: My body is failing me. Try: My body is going through something hard, and I can care for it while I seek answers.

Instead of: I look awful. Try: My body is changing, and it is working hard.

Instead of: I should have bounced back by now. Try: Healing takes time. There is no deadline.

Instead of: I am so weak for needing rest. Try: Rest is how bodies recover. I am allowed to need it.

Five small acts of body kindness

1. Feed yourself regularly. Not perfectly, just regularly. A proper breakfast, a snack in your bag, a glass of water within reach. Hunger and dehydration make everything feel harder.
2. Move in a way that feels good. A short walk, gentle stretching, dancing in the kitchen. If you are pregnant or have recently given birth, check with your midwife or doctor about what is suitable for you, and start gently.
3. Rest without apologising. Sit down when you can. Lie down for twenty minutes. Go to bed early once this week.
4. Wear something comfortable. Clothes that fit the body you have today, not the one you had or hope to have.
5. Keep your appointments. Smear tests, check-ups, antenatal visits, postnatal checks. Caring for your body includes letting professionals check on it.

Listening to your body's warning signs

Kindness to your body also means taking its signals seriously. Contact your doctor or midwife promptly for things like heavy or unexpected bleeding, severe or worsening pain, a high fever, chest pain or breathlessness, or, in pregnancy, reduced baby movements. After birth, also seek help for a painful, red or swollen leg, a wound that is getting worse, or feeling very unwell. You are not making a fuss. You are looking after yourself.

About eating, weight and appearance

If thoughts about food, weight or your appearance are taking over your days, or you notice yourself restricting food, bingeing or feeling intense shame about your body, please talk to your doctor. These struggles are more common than many people realise, they can be especially hard during pregnancy and after birth, and support is available.

What God says about your body

The psalmist looked at his own body and responded not with criticism but with wonder:

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. (Psalm 139:14)

Wonderfully made does not mean flawless. It means crafted with care by a God who knows every part of you, including the parts that ache, the parts that are healing and the parts that have not done what you longed for. Your worth has never depended on what your body achieves.

Try this today

Put your hand on your heart, or wherever feels right, and say quietly: Thank you for carrying me today. It may feel strange the first time. Say it anyway.

A prayer for the body I live in

Lord, you made this body and you know it completely. Forgive me for the harsh words I have spoken to it. Help me to care for it gently, to listen to it wisely and to see it as you do. Amen.