Ten conversations to have with your partner before baby arrives

Before a baby arrives, most couples talk about names, nursery colours and which pram to buy. The bigger conversations, the ones about fears, money, sleep and who does what, often wait until both of you are exhausted at 2am. It is much easier to talk now, while you can still finish a sentence.

Here are ten conversations for you and your husband or partner. You do not need to have them all in one evening. Try one a week over a cup of tea or on a walk. For each one there is a prompt to get you started.

1. What are you most looking forward to?

Start with hope. Share the moments you are picturing: the first cuddle, bath time, taking the baby to church, teaching them to ride a bike. Joy shared is joy doubled.

Prompt: When you imagine us as a family, what picture comes to mind?

2. What are you most afraid of?

Fears are often easier to carry once they are spoken. One of you may worry about birth; the other about money or being a good parent.

Prompt: What worries you about the baby coming that you have not said yet?

3. What do we want the birth to be like?

Talk about where you plan to give birth, what kind of support you want, and what your partner's role will be. Talk too about flexibility: births do not always go to plan, and that is all right. Make sure you both know when to call the maternity unit, including for bleeding, waters breaking, severe pain or the baby moving less than usual.

Prompt: What would help you feel most supported on the day?

4. Who does what at night?

Newborns wake often. Agree in principle how you will share nights, depending on how you feed the baby. Some couples take shifts; others share the work in other ways so the person feeding can rest.

Prompt: How can we both get some sleep in the first weeks?

5. How will we share the housework?

Cooking, washing, shopping and cleaning do not stop when a baby arrives. Write a simple list of who does what for the first six weeks, and agree what can be let go.

Prompt: Which chores matter most to you, and which can wait?

6. What about money and work?

Leave, pay, childcare, extra costs. These conversations can feel stressful, but planning together reduces surprises.

Prompt: What would make us feel more secure financially over the next year?

7. How involved will family be?

Talk about visitors, help from grandparents, and what each of you expects from your own family. Agree that each of you will speak to your own relatives if boundaries are needed.

Prompt: What would helpful family support look like for us?

8. How will we look after our relationship?

Babies change the shape of a marriage or partnership. Talk about how you will stay connected: ten minutes of talking each evening, a walk together, praying together, small kindnesses.

Prompt: What helps you feel loved by me when life is busy?

9. How will we notice if one of us is struggling?

Both mums and partners can experience depression and anxiety after a baby arrives. Agree now to be honest and to look out for each other. Signs to watch for include persistent low mood, withdrawing, not sleeping even when the baby sleeps, or feeling hopeless. Agree that you will encourage each other to talk to a doctor, midwife or health visitor if needed, and to get urgent help if either of you has thoughts of self-harm.

Prompt: If I seem not myself, how would you like me to bring it up?

10. What part will faith play in our family?

Talk about praying for and with your child, church life, and the values you hope to pass on. If your beliefs differ, these conversations need extra gentleness and respect, and they are still worth having.

Prompt: What do we most want our child to know about God and about love?

Why talking now matters

There is wisdom in facing life together rather than alone:

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

Becoming parents is real labour, in every sense. These conversations are how two people become a team. They will not answer every question, and you will change your minds as you go. But you will have started the habit of honest talking, and that will carry you a long way.

Tips for good conversations

• Choose a calm time, not when you are hungry or tired.
• Listen to understand, not to win.
• Take turns answering each prompt.
• End each conversation by praying together briefly, if you both would like to.

A prayer for us as a team

Lord, thank you for bringing us together and for this child. Help us to listen, to speak kindly and to share every load. Make us a team that leans on you and on each other. Amen.