The waiting room: what Funmi wished she'd known before her first consult

Picture Funmi. She is thirty-three, a teacher in Lagos, and she has been married for two years. She has a folder on her lap with her period dates written in neat blue ink, and she is trying very hard not to look at the woman across the room holding a newborn. Her husband, Tayo, keeps jiggling his knee. Neither of them slept well. Funmi is a composite, drawn from many women's experiences, but you may recognise her. Here is her first consult, and what she learned along the way.

Lesson 1: The waiting room can be the hardest part

Fertility clinics are sometimes shared with antenatal clinics, and the sight of bumps and babies can feel like a punch. Funmi had not expected that. Next time, she brought headphones, a worship playlist and a book, and chose a seat facing the window.

Try this: ask the receptionist roughly how long the wait might be, and step outside for air if you need to. You are allowed to protect your heart.

Lesson 2: The doctor asked more questions than she expected

How long had they been trying? How often did they have sex? Did she have pain during it? Any previous pregnancies? Had Tayo ever had mumps or a groin injury? Funmi felt her cheeks burn at some of them. But the doctor was calm and matter-of-fact. These are routine questions, and honest answers help.

Try this: remind yourself that your doctor has heard it all before. Nothing you say about your body or your marriage will shock a good clinician.

Lesson 3: Tayo was part of the plan from the start

Funmi had quietly assumed the focus would all be on her. Instead, the doctor asked for a semen analysis straight away. Tayo was surprised, then relieved: he finally had something concrete to do. They booked it before leaving.

Try this: if your husband or partner comes, ask the doctor to explain his tests directly to him.

Lesson 4: There was no instant answer

Funmi had half-hoped to walk out with a diagnosis and a solution. Instead she left with blood test forms, a scan date and a follow-up appointment in six weeks. At first that felt like a let-down. Later, she saw it differently: she was no longer guessing alone. A process had begun.

Try this: before you go, decide that the goal of a first appointment is a plan, not an answer.

Lesson 5: She needed a soft landing afterwards

On the drive home, Funmi cried, not because anything bad had happened, but because so much had been held in. Tayo didn't know what to say, so he stopped and bought her favourite suya and they ate it in the car, laughing a little and crying a little. That became their tradition after every appointment.

Try this: plan something gentle for after the appointment: a walk, a meal, an early night. Tell your partner or friend in advance what kind of comfort you'd like.

What Funmi would tell you now

• Write everything down, including the questions you feel embarrassed about.
• Bring your partner or a trusted friend if you can.
• Ask, “What happens next, and when?” before you leave.
• Expect mixed feelings. Relief and grief can travel together.
• Do not compare your clinic journey with anyone else's. Every story is different.

A word for the waiting room

When you are sitting in that plastic chair, flipping your folder open and shut, remember where your help comes from. “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:1-2). Not from the doctor alone, and not from your own strength, but from the One who made you and knows you completely. Doctors are a gift; God is your keeper.

A prayer for the waiting room

Lord, as I sit here among strangers and hopes, be my steady place. Calm my racing thoughts. Help me to be honest, to listen well and to receive this next step from Your hand. And when I leave, hold me close. Amen.